MiaJenae

Omg… I dont know what else to do…  mean how can i get myself healthy living in this house. They piss me off every day and they make me feel like shit.  I never good enough they talk about me constantly, they exclude me from everything so I just stay in my room with my dog.. and if im not eatting in watching tv or sleeping. You kno ive managed to deal with it and stay sane but its just breaking me down… I dont have anyfriends that live near me so i have no where to go to get away. Im at a complete loss here I cannot stay here. I have inflicted pain upon myself just trying to get by from day to day living with them. i just need to get out and i dont know how… im only 17 ive never had a job and ive tried to get one but it just hasnt been working out very well.

Man idk i just needed to vent…

Ello ppl. My gosh its been so long.  I dont even have a legit excuse for my absense. On the path to my goal I got alittle lost, but im back now and thats all that matters. To my surprise ive only managed to gain a few pounds which is great in my eyes because it could have just as easily been 20. So Im 378 ready to start my journy off fesh. I will say 1 thing i ended up getting a little obsessed with the scale, so now im looking at it in a matter of dress size rather than weight and well see how that works out.

Decemeber wasnt such a good month… you know it sucks seeing everyone youve grown up with… Grow up and become attractive young adults && i still look the same was ive looked since 2nd grade. Im not gonna let that get me down and depressed. Now I see 2010 as my time to shine and get myself to where i want to be.  Accomplish my goals with my ppls here on  buddy slim.

 Lets get it in!!!!!!!!!!!

ok first let me start with my weight. For the three weeks i was sick my weight went all the way up to 374. An i managed to get back down to 368. So basically I have to start all over, but its ok i did it once i can do it again right??

Now to the juicy stuff. So latley ive been feeling super lonley i havent been able to do anything or go anywhere cuz i been sick. while ive been sick ive been talking to a friend and as the weeks go by idk what happen but this friend that ive had for a bit starts to show another side … this side i like alot and want more of. Normally im a little apprehensive of guys because so many have proven to me that dispite what im told they cant be trusted.

Their was somthing about him that was different i could feel it. So i said F-it im just going to invite him over so we can watch a movie and chill. So that saturday(Aug.8th) i invited him over that monday. so he calls me around 11pm and lets me kno hes close to me house . Me im nervous as hell trying to prepare myself for the rejection I just know im about to get. He gets here I didnt look at him for the first 15 mins .. from the front door all the way up the stairs to my room, sat down even started talking to him and started the movie but  i did not look him in the face. lol didnt watch the movie becuase the sound wouldnt play and i later on realized after he left that i forgot to plug th cords into the back of my dvd player. I found somthing to watch on tv and got a little comfortable he put his arm around my back and told me to come here.. So i laid down beside him and put my head on his chest. That really put me at ease because his heart was beatting so fast so i knew he was nervous too.We just talked and laughed and i got to kno alot more about him.

What i got to kno i liked and i loved the fact that he was honest. So lets get to the kissing part.. He placed his hand on my arm and felt that i had goose bumps, asked why i had them i told him because i was nervous. thats when he stuck this thumb under my chin to lift my head up so i was looking him dead in the eyes. Then he gave me a peck on the lips… now that live done before no problem… but then he actually started kissing me kissing me….lol i must have said 1000 times in my head in that very split second. “omg omg i dont know what to do!!” I was shoked  lol its not hard to do at all. I was like yeah buddy first kiss and im a natural(in my head of course cuz its kinda embarassing to be 17 and never actually open mouth kissed someone). So after that we stayed bunned up for another hour or so kissed maybe 2 times after the very first one… and then he had to go and the was the end of my night.

.. So yeah that was my whole first kiss thing just had to share because it was so so special to me.

Sorry i was supposed to write this hours ago… but the medicine knocked me out…. i guess your not supposed to mix cold medicine and pain killers

Ok so the Rice Diet is a 3 Phased diet… and ill just give yo th menu because thats really all you need. Mind you this is a sample menue you can switch it up and add what fruits and veg. you want to eat

Phase 1 day 1- Basic rice diet

Breakfast-

 2 starches=1 cup cooked oatmeal oat bran or steel cut oats

2 fruits= 1 peach+ 2 tbsp rasins

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Lunch

2 starches=2/3 cups of cooked rice..brown preferred

2 fruits= 1 cup of pineapple chunks+ 1 cup of grapes

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Dinner-

2 starches= 2/3 cups of cooked rice

2fruits= 1cup mixed berries + 1 cup of melon

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Phase 1 day 2 -7- The lacto vegetarian Rice diet

Breakfast

1 starch=1 cup of grain cereal or 1 slice of toast

1 non fat dairy=1 cup of non fat soy grain or cows milk

1 fruit=1 peach

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Lunch-

3 starches=1 cup of cooked rice and or beans or 1 1/2 cups of any other cooked grain pasta or vegetable

3 vegetables=3 cups of raw vegetable salsd or 1 1/2 cups of cooked broccoli

1 fruit=1 cup of fresh fruit salad

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Dinner-

3 starches=1 cup of cooked rice and or beans or 1 1/2 cups of any other cooked grain pasta or vegetable

3 vegetables=3 cups of raw or 1 1/2 cups of cooked cabbage

1 fruit= 1 cup of berries

__________________

Phase 2

Day 1 of pahse 2 repeat day 1 of phase 1 AKA. the basic rice diet

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Day 2-6 - tHE LACTO VEGETARIAN DIET

Breakfast-

1starch=1/2 cup of grain cereal or 1 slick toast

1 nonfat dairy=1 cup of non fat soy or cows milk

2fruits=1 cup of fresh berries + 2 tbsp of dried cherries or 1 tbsp of all fruit jam

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Lunch

3 starches=1 cup of cooked rice and or beans or 1 1/2 cups of any other cooked grain  or pasta

1 vegetable=1/2 cups of tomato sauce

2 vegetables+1 fruit= 2 1/2 of spinach and mandarin orange salad with  blaksamic dressing

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Dinner-

2 starches=2/3 cup of cooked rice

1 starch=3/4 cup of split pea soup

2 vegetables= 1 cup of steamed broccoli

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Phase 2 Day 7- The vegetarian Plus Diet

Breakfast-

2 starches= 1 cup of cooker steel cut oats+ cinnamon

1 fruit= 1/2 banana

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Lunch

2 starches=2/3 cup of rice

2starches=2/3 cup black beans ‘n garlic

2 vegetable=1 cup creamed spinach

1 vegetable=baby greesn with roasted bell peppers

1 fruit=1 cup of frozen grapes(soooo good)

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Dinner-

3 meats=Crispy flounder

1 starch=1/2 southwestern corn

1 starch=1/2 garlic red skin potatoes

1 vegetable=1 cup of tossed salad with balsamic dressing

2 vegetables= 1 cup bok choy

1 fruit= 1 orange or 2 clementines

_____________ _______

Phase 3 is exactly the same as phase 2 except for days 6-7 your the dinner portion of your menu is changed to

Dinner-

3 protine+1 starch= seafood jumbo

2 vegetables=asparagus and spinach salad

1 1/2 starches+ fruits sweet patato pie.

(you can buy or cook these items if you wish to cook look it up or ask me to send it.)

Darn that took me forever to type so anyway umm by eatting this  you can lose up to 30 lbs per month….. it works i lost 9 in one week… so try it out.

Ive been sick for the past two weeks, still am sick and been on my menstral cycle for about 4 days… - coughing, sneezing, crazy cramps, stuffy nose, cant sleep nor can i breathe, ive lost my voice…UGH I HATE BEING SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My puppy chewed thru my keyboard cord so my mom just gave me hers and got herself a new one….. but i wasnt trippin over that. I even had a chance to go to sick flags for free… but didnt because my waist is too big for most of the rides  im pretty sure so there was no point in that.

Ive lost my Gray and green Jordans (yo how do you lose a pair of shoes??)

And ive gained a bit of my weight back since ive been sick…. but ive worked out everyday since tuesday but it has not helped any so far but im gonna keep goin.

Now this is where things just start to look up^^^ Idk if i told you guys this but ive had a boyfriend for about 2 months now but its been on and off for about 7 months now and we brake up for the same reason everytime. He likes to fall off the face of the earth for a week or weeks at a time… and then pop up and ask “Are we still ok?” (meaning are you still my girl). I always say no  …. but he hits me with the “Baby im sorry and i love you.” lmao and i always just say its ok. Then he does the same thing over again… (i know this sounds like things may still be looking down) but ive been thinkin latley, and ive come to realize why i keep saying to him its ok… Its because hes mine i mean like hes someone i can claim as mine you know and the other deeper reason is because i dont wanna be alone/ single. but like i said ive been thinkin and i realized i cant keep hurting myself…trying to be happy. So next time i hear from him lol ill have to let him go…thats the best thing for me to do.

0o0o00o heres where it really gets good….. So like ok i met this guy and hes like so friggin aweesomme lol… Just kidding

Anywho i have met this guy and hes really sweet he has dreads and OMG!!! do i love a man with dreads  and hes not bad looking either.. and he likes big girls (big plus :D)has a  great personality and ect. but the one thing is he found me on MYSPACE. lol now dont think in the negitve about this we have only been talking via myspace and aim/ texting for a week give or take.. i would have him call me if i could talk without coughing or my voice going in and out he understood and respected that… so he expressed to me that he was starting to like me a little and i let him know the feeling is mutual

We want to meet up we both live in the same city but ive been stalling because right now to be honest i would NOT really feel comfortable going on any dates… because ive blown up like a ballon i want to lose some weight first… so i gave him a date on when i would be avalible to go anywhere… anytime after september 1st . Some of you may be thinkin that im trying to lose weight so that he will like me… ive been trying to lose weight for a while now but im not doing it for him im doing it so i cant feel comfortable and not act all awkward  and be so weird.Anyway he agreed to wait for a month… and he said the cutest thing.. he said”anything or anyone like you is worth the wait.” lol i was all blushing and had that ear to ear grin. Another good thing about him… is that for the whole week or so that we have been talking not once did he bring up anything about sex.. and that shows alot because most guys i talk to or know bring it up within the first hour or so of talking….

So Aug. is my bootcamp month Working out every day eating right and drinking only water.. idk what been going on latley .. when im on my period i crave weird shizz. But anyway.. I need someone to stay on my ass so i dont lose focus and get off track so if anyone could send me like a little message every now and then and give me a reminder that i need to stay commited to working out and eatting right. I would really be thankful because that would help so much.

Alright kiddos… I have to write 1 more blog and go comment on some Catch ya laters

LOL who says that anymore??? Anywho… Guess what im down to 364 im so proud of myself because i havent been able to lose more than 5 pounds for the last 3 months now and now ive lost 9!!! So far the rice diet is working wonderfully (if anyone wants to know about it message me or just ask me to put the basics in a blog)

 0OH and instead of eating when i get bored or upset I just work on my face charts. If you dont know what a face chart is

This is a face chart

<a href=”http://photobucket.com/images/face%20charts” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm94/ktb8293/face%20charts/LizaforMAC-LizaforMACPM.jpg” border=”0″ alt=”Liza for MAC - PM Pictures, Images and Photos”/></a>

Its not mine because im no where near that good yet. but doing that uses up alot of time and because i like to do makeup it takes my mind of anything negitive.

 Also. I just wanted to put it out there that im so glad i found this website. I have never had that many supportive people around me and I mean come on most of you guys are complete strangers and are more understanding than the people ive known my whole life. So thanks so much.

Lol no more mushy stuff its late time for me to go to bed.. Catch yah lata.

Ok lets cut straight to it. Yesterday, July14. I spent my whole day cleaning and doing my laundry, and when i got around to the kitchen i swept the dirt and ect. on the floor out onto the carpet by the kitchen… so afterwards i can vacume the carpet in that room. My phone rang and i took it out of my purse and while doing that my favorite black eyeshadow feel on the carpet and broke in my room so i couldnt just leave it there. So i began scubbing it out of my carpet.Tben mom walked through the front door and walked up the stairs and saw the dirt i left on the carpet,Begain yelling at me and telling me i always half assing things  and im lazy. Im like WTF ive spent my whole day cleaning and im trying to clean my carpet. She walked to my room and was like O0ooh!, and couldnt even say sorry. So im pissed off  and the first chance i got i just stuffed my face I ate a awhole lot of nachos and a sandwich I wasnt even hungry. I just for some reason needed that food to make what just happend go away. While eating i knew i wasnt supposed to be eating that but i couldnt stop…

ok its been 2 weeks since i started my diet …. the first week i started was a bad week because my birthday(im 17 :D) and my brothers was in that same week. So my diet was non exsistant that week.The week after that i tried so hard to stay on track but i have no will power WHAT SO EVER! and it really sucks. Everyone says when your really ready to change for yourself you can do it.. but i am ready i dont want to be 372 pounds anymore. Yes i said 372 i managed to lose 1lb. thats good but not good enough for me. Im getting ready to go to college in the fall. im need to drop some major poundage- lol is that a word?? Anywho, its like what can i do to get myself motivated enough to do whats needed to be done? Like i want this so bad… but i can never bring myself to do it for long.. does anyone have any suggestions or advice? I really need somekind of help.. i dont have anyone around me that i can realate to or talk to about this.

Well to begin my name is Mystique call me Mia for short. All my life ive struggled with my weight… from the age of 1 ive always been heavy, through all that time nothings changed as i grew taller the lb’s grew in numbers.  Now im a teen that homeschools because she couldnt handle high school and im off to college in the fall. I have no life and never have had much of one since 6th grade… thats when i really started to blow up and was made fun of nonstop! Thats when i started to diet but nothing worked for long.. 8th grade is when i stopped doing anything. I made up lies when my friends would ask me to go to the mall or stay over for a B-day party. I only when out when i needed to or got tired of being locked up in my room . Until 09 hit I wanted to be more outgoing because it was a new year time for a new me right??….  i went out with 2 of my best friends for the first time since 8th grade and it was ok but i was extremly uncomfortable as if i didnt know how to be around people or have a decent convo.  I just felt so angry with myself, I kept wondering how i became the person. Until last week This guy that got me to come completely out of my shell and got me back to being Mystique again. The one that i feel in love with Had old me after I asked him “Would you have ever tried to get with me?” He answerd ” if you were living close to me never… we prob wouldnt even be talking. Unless you did my homework or something” then he went on to say  “If i had saw your pics before  we started talkin then i wouldnt either” “but i got to know you first so its cool now.” I know i asked  but i wasnt expecting that answer  and i dont think it had to be answered that way although he was being honest. That was the very last straw  I cannot continue to allow my weight to hold me back from being happy,  I cant trust people i cant keep a Boyfriend because im no where near confident witch casues me to become paranoid almost about everything I just cant be  like this anymore. So starting June 27, 2009 i start my weight loss journey! Starting at 373lbs. trying to get down to 353 by july 12th. Im supposed to be spending a week over another bestfriends house for a week… and if i dont lose at least 10-15lbs. im not going. So ill be back to wite a blog every sunday. Hopefully their will be alot less to read next time lol (sorry). Anywho catch you then. Thanks for reading.